An End To The Month Of Me

Dear Readers,

I wish I had planned some grand finale to the MOM, a piece de resistance that would keep you entertained and amused for hours. Days, even. Alas, this week has blown me away with it's supreme normalcy and so I've got nothing. It also doesn't help that I've been deaf in one ear for days (allergies), so even if exciting gossip was going down all around me I would likely miss it. Ehh, who am I kidding? The only gossip I hear is which 8th graders made out behind the pizza place last week.

I also kind of wish I had some kind of December schedule for you, a theme of sorts (not that I was particularly good at sticking with the last theme). Christmas is obviously out... unless I feel compelled to write about just how annoying it is. Halloween and Thanksgiving are old news. New Years blows. So you may get lucky and I will simply continue to write all about the crazy hijinx this media specialist gets up to*.

I know you're all just itching to leave comments indicating fascinating topics I could (and should) discuss. Topics that may enrich our "relationship". Even topics of global importance. Please don't.

To recap November: I rule.

NPW

*For example: yesterday, at the Principal's behest, I set up the most gi-normous projection screen you could fathom. I made the mistake of asking a senior citizen volunteer to help me. I'm lucky I still have the fingers on my left hand, let's just leave it at that. It's a dangerous biz, but someone's got to do it.

LIS Genius

It is a well-known fact that I am a library genius, but once in a while I like to confirm this fact by taking LIS quizzes on topics like classification, Dewey Decimal order, electronic resources, and citing sources. If you'd like to find out whether you, too, are an LIS genius, check out this website:

http://db.mctc.mnscu.edu/Library/tutorials/infolit/tablesversion/home.htm

If only my brilliant mind could have been put to use in a way that would make me fabulously rich. Instead I follow in the footsteps of Melville Dewey and George Boole (for the less library-savvy among you, the Irish mathematician who created Boolean logic). But as Herbert Samuel once said, "Libraries are thought in cold storage", and so I take heart that I am almost always surrounded by others thoughts.

On the same thread, I've been searching for interesting websites lately, ones that I might be able to use in school as well as at home. Here are a few that I thought worthy of noting:

Search Engines: Are you sick of Google? Does Yahoo make you want to vomit? Try these.

www.mooter.com This search engine clusters results and displays them visually as a graph.
www.vivisimo.com Another clustering search engine, helpful list of clusters as a side bar.
www.dogpile.com A metasearch engine, searches many of the largest search engines out there.
www.icerocket.com Searches blogs.
www.podspider.com Searches podcasts.
www.kartoo.com A metasearch engine with visual display interfaces.
www.newseum.com An interactive museum of news... shows todays headlines for over 300
newspapers

Others: General coolness

www.maps.a9.com You can pretty much locate your house from space. Assuming you live in a fairly large city, that is.
http://earth.google.com/ Another really cool mapping website.
www.liveplasma.com Like IMDB, only visual and with less information. Still, pretty to look at.
http://labs.google.com/ridefinder Google Labs helps you find a ride. Locate taxis and shuttles in many major cities.
www.redlightgreen.com Helps you locate books and research materials and DOES citations for
you- in any bibliographic format you may want to use. Yeah, internet!

So this is a partial list of the awesomeness I actively seek. Who ever said librarians were boring?

Buried Alive

Today I am thankful that I am still alive after yet another harrowing library adventure.

Around noon I was half-crushed by an avalanche of 900's crashing down from broken shelves onto my hapless body. My legs were pinned beneath piles of books on Flags of the World and Greek and Roman mythology. I was bruised and battered by Heraldry and Coats of Arms. I thought I would have to saw my arm off at the elbow using only a scotty peeler as it lay twisted and useless under Belize and Argentina.

As I lay there silently weeping at my plight (and cursing my luck that I wasn't buried in the 790's- avalanche safety), I had a vision: I would come through this and live to shelve again. I had to find the will to carry on. I called for help until a senior citizen volunteer turned on her hearing aid and heard me. Since she could barely lift one of the books, let alone my broken body, she ran (shuffled) to the main office to get some help.

Was it sabotage? Or an unfortunate mishap? Were the shelves rigged by the former librarian, a booby trap intended to finish off anyone trying to change her library's layout? I suppose we'll never know. Thank goodness the school nurse has ace bandages and emergency medical training, or I might not have survived to tell you about it. And even though I might be a little concussed I will still drag myself to the faculty meeting after school, that's how dedicated I am to this position.

From now on, the students are doing the shelving. They're a little more expendable.

NKOTB: A Salute to My Youth

Today I am thankful for my parents. They've always tried to give me everything they could, and they've been supportive of even my most foolish fancies. To illustrate this:

The first concert I ever went to was none other than the super stars of the 80's, New Kids on the Block. My loving parents bought me tickets for my birthday when I was in the 5th grade and my sister and I puff painted our t-shirts and Keds and got ourselves geared up to meet Jordan and Joey, the men of our 10 year-old dreams. We kissed our NKOTB pillowcases before we left.

Of course we never did end up meeting them, since 30,000 other girls in the area had basically the same plan as us. But we did manage the second best thing: the New Kids hotline. What's more brilliant than a 900 number where you can have a private chat with your fave New Kid? I just know Jordan was waiting by the phone for me to call. So one day while my older cousin was babysitting us, my sister and I waited until she was elbow-deep in cookie dough and hotfooted it to the phone to call up our respective beaus. We had a grand old time, chatting it up with the electronic version of the talented performance artists. 75 minutes later we finally got hungry and the smell of cookies reached our noses, so we headed back downstairs.

A month later my aunt got the $75 bill for our talking jag and made my cousin iron a shirt for every dollar of that bill. To this day my cousin will not let me forget about the time she played wingman so I could chat with Jordan Knight. Let me tell you, friends: it was worth every penny.

Why I Never Drink Ginger Ale

I thought it appropriate with Turkey Day right around the corner to regale you with a food story of my own. This is the story of why I never, ever drink ginger ale.

You know how when you cook bacon in a frying pan, all the grease is left over? And you pour it into a plastic cup when it's cooled down a little bit so that it can harden and you can throw it away? Well one morning, my mother had made breakfast and she did just that. I came downstairs to the kitchen a little while later and spotted the cup of golden liquid on the counter. "Oooh, yum", I thought, "I'll just have a little sip of my mother's ginger ale!". And I took a giant gulp of tepid bacon fat. Three days later my tongue and throat was still coated in a layer of grease that made everything taste vaguely porcine.

Now, I'm sure I know what you're thinking- why doesn't she stop eating bacon instead? Why stop drinking ginger ale? But my strange brain associated that experience with the ginger ale and I have never been able to stomach it since.

Happy eating, everyone!

Some Guy I Laughed At: A StrongBadLib

Please enjoy this MadLib I did with Strong Bad at www.homestarrunner.com. I know I did.

The other day I was at school eating my books when out of nowhere came this crazy guy. I could tell he had serious water problems from the get-go. His nose was all slimy and stank like Scott Foley. A paper was hanging out of his pants. He fell down in a puddle of vodka. I laughed my toe off.

Comment #1: This entire scenario sounds like a dream I might have.
Comment #2: Considering how cute he is, I'd imagine that Scott Foley would actually smell quite nice.
Comment #3: If there were puddles of vodka at school I'd probably fall down in them too. On purpose, no less.

It's Harry Time

What could be more appropriate to celebrate my birth month than the newest installment of Harry Potter movies being released? Goblet of Fire promises to be the best yet, and from the looks of the trailer I would have to agree.

If you had to say you had a crush on any of the HP characters, which would it be? I'm going to go with Ron, even though in the movies he tends to look like a dope. Although, I did not like Ron as much in Book 4 as, say, Book 6. I'm also a fan of Cedric Diggory, but we all know his fate so I won't go there.

I also went online to the Sorting Hat to see which house I'd be placed in. It was Gryffindor, obviously. But I just wanted to make sure... I only accept the best. (Oh, and at the wand shop my wand was Phoenix feather, Holly, 10 inches. Nice.)

And yes, I know I'm a nerd. Get over it. Why do you think I'm a librarian?

I Carried A Watermelon?

As part of the month of me, I feel compelled to include my favorite movie of all time: Dirty Dancing.

Dirty Dancing is certainly the best film ever created. I can see the eyes rolling. I can hear the cries: "What about the Godfather? What about Citizen Kane? Casablanca?!" This is my reply: the first time I watched Dirty Dancing my mother revealed to me that Patrick Swayze is my real father. Any movie that can make an otherwise sane woman tell such a blatant lie, any movie that has such power over you that you tell your impressionable pre-teen daughter such a thing... well, that's what movies are all about. Escape, fantasy, romance, Dirty Dancing has it all. And although it's been years since I actually believed my mother, I still hold a tiny grudge against my father for not being able to Mambo.

For those of you who don't know, Dirty Dancing is the story of Baby and Johnny's summer romance at a resort in the Catskills. It is a secret affair, since Baby is a guest of the resort and Johnny is merely the poor dance instructor. But the dirty dancing going on in the staff quarters brings them inexorably together, and when Johnny's regular dance partner gets knocked up and can't perform at the big summer show, Baby steps in to learn the dances and save the day. When Baby's parents find out she's been sneaking around with Johnny, things come crashing down and Johnny is fired from his job. Can Johnny prove what a good guy he is to Baby's ultra-conservative father?

It's the most 80's 60's movie ever. Even with her new nose, Jennifer Grey remains the icon of my teenage world.

Wittle Bunny Wabbit

adopt your own virtual pet!

Check out bunnyhero, it's pretty cute. And I'm all about the cute. By the way, did you know bunnies can't vomit?

Ironic Hyperbole Day

Today was "Mix It Up" Day at school. It seemed like a cute idea, the kids dressed in completely mismatched outfits and did their hair in crazy fashions. They wore one slipper and one sneaker. Golf pants and button downs. Skirts over jeans. But the big mix-up was scheduled for lunch time. The plan was to have the kids reach into a bag and pull out a piece of candy. Then they'd sit at the table that corresponded to the candy, effectively "mixing up" the normal lunch tables and forcing to kids to interact with people they didn't normally talk to.

Can you picture it?

It seemed to be going well- until I glanced at the table in the far corner, crammed in next to the soda machine. This was apparently the Nerds table. And in a tragi-comedic twist of fate, it seemed every kid that had pulled a package of Nerds candy was, in fact, a nerd. So I went and sat with them. There's no place like home.

Glorious! Notorious!

A few things that I am excited about for November:

long weekends
Thanksgiving/My birthday
crunchy fall leaves
Harry Potter 4
caramel apples
cool, clear weather
library contests
DDR party
UPS packages coming to my house
weekends in Boston
babies! (not mine, thank goodness)
planning trips
friends
sweaters
new books

The Game

I decided to play the "game" on the joekitsch blog, and I have concluded that it is a very dangerous game to play for anyone interested in the arts.

Take my writing, for example: it will very likely never be published, whether or not it is good. But how do I know? I can't know for sure, so I am compelled to continue on.

Here we go:

1. A quality and unique product
2. Proper timing
3. Adequate capital
4. People resources
5. Effective management

1. I believe my writing to be quality, and it's certainly unique. But I could be totally off-base, it could be terrible drivel, already been done a million times, how would I know? I'm a harsh critic of myself and everyone else is too nice. Score: Victim of Chance
2. Is there proper timing for writing? Maybe. Maybe it would be in my best interest to write books about pirates right after a Hollywood blockbuster movie about pirates comes out. Or maybe I should just write what I want. Score: Heroine of Circumstance
3. Adequate capital to be able to focus solely on writing? Never. My lifestyle and my tastes demand that I earn cash. Lucky for me, I love my work. But if I do someday miraculously become rich by writing, there are a lot of people that helped me get a leg up. I feel as though I should have been born rich. Score: Victim of Chance
4. My people resources are great, in that I have friends and family that love me. I never feel alone. I work to be outgoing and friendly, most of the time. As for networking, librarians are big on sharing information. Sometimes too much. And on the writing end, I have friends in publishing, but other than that my writing is going to have to stand on it's own. Score: Heroine of Circumstance
5. Effective management... well, I am and always have been a major procrastinator. I also want things to come easily to me because they usually do. So when I hit a roadblock, I tend to drop it entirely, maybe to be picked up again later on. Score: What the H-E-L-L is my problem?

Apparently I average Victim of Chance, so what can I say to that? I'm content with what I am and what I'm doing. Yeah, me.

Walk Away

Et voila, je suis malade encore une fois.

As part of the month of me, I have come up with a list of possible reasons why I am always sick when I am in this library. Because today I can't swallow and my throat is on fire. But I guarantee, as soon as I leave for home I will be miraculously cured and I can go about my merry way. It happens pretty much every day.

Possible reasons for my sick head:

1. The grubby kids sneezing all over the computers and books, picking their noses, and in general being germy.

2. The grubby senior citizens, who are susceptible to every possible illness circulating and pass it on to me.

3. The numerous mold and spore live cultures growing in the 40 year old carpet and even older books.

4. Seasonal Affective Disorder. Maybe I'm allergic to the fall? That would be so sad, since it's my favorite.

5. Perhaps I am just a super-hypochondriac and I am allergic to actual work.

Who knows? In any case, I will drink my green tea and whine like a baby. That always helps.

On the Moon

"On the moon, nerds have their pants pulled down and they are spanked with MOON ROCKS!" -Err

It's true. Last time I was on the Moon, I wore my t-shirt that says I Heart Nerds and they lined 'em up and gave me front row seating for the Moon Rock spanking. Then I had a trial to determine whether or not I was a nerd. Of course, I am, so they found me guilty. But I managed to escape with the guy from Virgin Airlines, you know, the dude who invented the new space rocket or whatever. So he gave me a lift home and he was pretty happy because I showed him the maps at A9.com and he followed them to my house and it even showed him pictures from space.

Yeah, so that happened and it was pretty cool.

What I Am Thankful For (Version 11.4.05)

Today I am thankful for many things, but I am mostly thankful to one boy who made me laugh this morning.

This morning he told me that he really, really, really wanted to be great at guitar, but he knew it would take "practice, determination, and a lot of bling".

Keep in mind this is the same boy who called me "Mrs. Librarian" last week.

HA! Am I too easily amused?

Do What I Say 'Cuz I Said It

I might have to make up a November song to the tune of "12 Days of Christmas".

On the second day of my birth month, teachers gave to me, two crying kids and a database lesson plan for freeee.....

Right, ok. Now I have that out of the way, more fun facts about me:

I never, ever drink ginger ale.
I can sing all the prepositions in the English language in alphabetical order.
I love shows about forensics, medical oddities, ghosts, and monsters.
I play Dance Dance Revolution.
My favorite movie of all time: Dirty Dancing. If you don't get it, leave it be.
I learned how to play Sweet Home Alabama on the guitar today.
I speak French and love French literature, but I cannot for the life of me understand French New Wave cinema.
I panic when I get pulled over for speeding and have to talk myself into pulling over and not slamming on the gas to get away.
I love Aqua Teen Hunger Force and I think Master Shake is brilliant in his ridiculousness.

Yeah November!

All Things November (And Me)

It's arrived at last! The glorious month of my birth. I've decided that although this blog is already all about my life, this month will be dedicated to your education on all things me. So not only can you give thanks to the pilgrims who stole this land and made it ours and gave us cranberry sauce and wore fun hats, but you can also be thankful that my parents copulated during a major blizzard and that I was conceived. Good job, parentals!

Also, since my birthday actually falls on Thanksgiving this year, feel free to send me cornucopia- and/or turkey-themed birthday gifts.

So I'm going to ease into the month with just a few of my favorite words:

serendipity
smock
filibuster
titillate
mariposa
brouhaha
bubonic
cuspidor
amoeba
library*

*I had to throw that one in, but it's true anyway. I love that damn word.