You Could Have It So Much Better...

...and I will. After Christmas is over, I will have everything better. My life

will be fan-friggin'-tastic. Rock, rock on.

But today I don't want to rehash my sentiments about this detestable month. Instead, I would like to have a little laugh with you over the plight of the good citizens of New York City and their MTA crisis. I personally know people who have had to walk 8 miles to work in 30 degree weather and while I really do feel for them (really), it gives me such a lift to think that I can feel bad for them from the warmth of my car.

However, in an attempt to provide some constructive advice for those making the Mahattan Trek this week (and to assuage my slight guilt over being so amused), here is a list of alternatives New Yorkers may use to get their sorry asses into the city.

• Learn to drive the subway trains and city buses yourself. How hard can it be? Also, you wouldn't have to make any stops other than your own. Glorious.
• Avoiding the people learning to drive the subway trains, just walk the underground subway tunnels to work. You'll stay warm(er) AND you might discover a flowing pink river of slime deep below the city.
• Ride Johnny Damon's body sled-style right into Rockefeller Center, once the Red Sox fans are done with him.
• Hire the homeless to pull you in a cart or a wagon for a cup of coffee and a bottle of Jack.
• Construct a molecular transporter. The time is ripe, folks. Step up to the challenge.
• Find jobs in the burroughs. Ha!
• Invest in a moped. They're convenient, cheap on gas, easy to park, and so damn adorable. Especially the pink ones.
• Get Mommy and Daddy to drop you off at work. Don't forget your lunchbox!

Otherwise, cancel your gym memberships and start buying long underwear because you're going to be getting a lot of (cold) exercise in the coming weeks. Happy walking!

PS- I heard a rumor that the Scottish wonder Franz Ferdinand and my own fave Death Cab are going on tour together in the spring. Can anyone substantiate this? 'Cuz that would rock my world.