December Schmecember

How do I hate December? Let me count the ways:

1. Temperatures colder than the human body should be made to endure. Or, as I like to say, colder than a witch's tit.
2. Snow.
3. Ice.
4. Slush. Especially of the dirty variety.
5. Shoveling all of the above.
6. Driving in all of the above.
7. Christmas and all forms of shopping during this time. Also Hannukah, Kwanzaa, and any other Decembertime holiday other religions might make up to try and rival Christmas in its commercial glory.
8. Mall parking lots. And the people that stalk you to your car so they can get your hard-earned spot. Oh, suburbia.
9. Students and teachers at the end of their collective ropes, on edge, ready for vacation.
10. The thought of packing all my stuff and moving, but also the fact that I have to wait three more weeks to move.
11. This insidious cough that has kept me awake for three days running.
12. Keeping my cats from climbing into and nesting in the Christmas tree.
13. The fact that we're all supposed to be jolly and get along, simply because it's the end of a calendar year. If I didn't like you before, why would I like you in December? And if I did like you before, I'll probably like you less right now because it's December.
14. Ersatz Santas roaming about, ringing bells and scaring children (and me).
15. Things such as mistletoe, kissing balls, and any other wreath that tries to confuse our sad little brains into believing love=buying lots of expensive items*.
16. The fact that people still find it funny to bring up just how terrible fruit cake really is.

Just keepin' it real. Things I don't hate about December:
1. Harpoon Winter Warmer.
2. Eggnog.
3. Red wine.
4. Holiday-type music.
5. The smell of Christmas tree in my house.
6. Holiday vacation. And snow days.**
7. The possibility of soon owning an iPod.
8. Taking naps by the fire.
9. Watching Christmas specials on TV like it's the 1950's or something. Except I Tivo'd them.
10. Thomas Kincaide paintings. (HA! Got you!)

*That's what Valentine's Day is for. Also, a side note: Valentine's Day is my second least favorite holiday. Some day I will compile a fully ranked list of holidays for you so that you can keep track of which ones I actually enjoy and about which I won't complain quite so bitterly.
**Yes, I know snow days means snow. And shoveling. But it also means sleep. Gloooorious sleep.