The ins and outs of a young library media specialist's life. Rock, rock on.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I'm Changing My Title To "Coffee Bitch"


Somehow, some way, every time I decide to run out for coffee on my 20 minute lunch break word leaks out and I end up getting 12 very complicated orders ranging from small non-fat soy chais to grande caramel lattes with extra caramel, whipped cream, and Splenda. Seriously, once someone even drew a diagram for me to bring to Starbucks to show the barista with a coffee to milk ratio- I could actually see her muscles contract while she tried to refrain from rolling her eyes at me. And if she had spit in that coffee, I wouldn't have blamed her. Then I have to walk about 8 blocks with the coffee sloshing around into the cardboard holder, which brilliantly falls apart when wet.

Also, there are at least four different coffee places within a five minute walk from me. And while I prefer the tiny, local place with the delicious plain coffee, I never get to go there. Why? Because everyone else wants Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts. And then I get the disappointed puppy dog face when I put my foot down and tell them I'm going local. "Weeell.... ok. I guess I'll get something from there," they mutter.

Well hey, don't let me put you out.

Then, after writing down all their insane orders, printing out copies in triplicate, walking (on my lunch break!) to the farthest possible coffee location, explaining said insane orders to the hapless baristas, re-explaining them, correcting them, filling the appropriate amount of milk/cream/half & half/soy/non-dairy creamer into each cup, carrying them all back to school, trays in each hand... then I get to deliver them to my co-workers in their rooms, like I'm some sort of Coffee UPS.

What it comes down to? I'm a sucker.

Maybe I can build myself a secret exit under the school that pops right up in the back room of my fave place? Hmmm... definitely something to look into.

13 Comments:

Blogger Beej rocks hardcore!

I ended up putting a coffee maker in my office so I didn't have to deal with crap like that.

I just found a great coffee place on Mass Ave near Porter: Simon's Coffee Shop - they have GREAT Mexican Hot Chocolate.

12:50 PM

 
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

B- Ooooh, I love that place. I also love Rosie's for brownies...

12:59 PM

 
Blogger Lisa rocks hardcore!

The difference between teaching in Boston and teaching in CT is that there isn't anyplace we can go to on our lunch break--not get there and back in time at least. Although we encounter this same problem if we ever decide to order out. Which is why we never ever tell anyone when we are ordering out. Too complicated. I like the secret tunnel idea though....since we all know that it is virtually impossible to keep secrets in a school you'd be better off with the tunnel.

7:46 PM

 
Anonymous alyndabear rocks hardcore!

I would tell them to piss off and just get your own damn coffee.

Apparently, I'm not a very nice person though. Hee.

I feel bad asking for skim sometimes, and that's hardly complicated - but those poor baristas that have to deal with all the annoying orders.. ack.

5:56 AM

 
Blogger Aaron rocks hardcore!

The answer to your problems lies in the title of this post. Just say, "I'm not your coffee bitch, bitch." Put your foot down; get it printed on a t-shirt if necessary.

Alternately, if you don't want to go the standing-up-for-your-rights route, just lie and say you're going for a walk. Then, when you come back with a coffee, and people are all like, "from whence did that come?", just make an innocent face and shrug. Honestly, do I have to solve everyone's problems?

7:51 AM

 
Blogger Aaron rocks hardcore!

Incidentally, I think that "innocent face and shrug" may be the only way I communicate with others from now on.

7:53 AM

 
Blogger stilettoheights rocks hardcore!

tell them you have an inner ear infection and are constantly dizzy you need to keep one hand free at all times in case you fall, thus...you can only get your coffee.

If they don;t believe you fake a "spell" sometime before lunch.

8:24 AM

 
Blogger Noelle rocks hardcore!

NPW, we should be friends in real life because I drink my coffee black. Plus, I usually make it at home where it's cheap.

I've been asked to get coffee many times back when I was working as a production assistant. It's a special skill, getting the coffee right, and one that has never helped me in any other part of my life.

8:43 AM

 
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

L- Began work on tunnel yesterday, using plastic spork from cafeteria. Is hard work. Projected tunnel date: 2073. I'll keep you posted.

A- Skim milk? Pshaw- that's an easy order! Try bringing in a 12 page spec manual including temperatures and milk froth percentages and see what the poor baristas think of you then.

Aa- You may be on to something there. I don't know if people will buy the doltish shrug, but then, maybe I give myself too much credit.

S- Oooh, a spell! Then maybe I'd even get to take a nap on the nurse's cot and my Mom could come pick me up from school! That would be even better than not having to get everyone coffee.

N- I feel as though if I lived near the Hudson we'd already know each other by now and we'd be secretly meeting for black coffees on clandestine lunch breaks.

9:25 AM

 
Anonymous megan rocks hardcore!

hymmm...plastic spork. I think a rock hammer might work better, but the spork will do. You should get a picture of Patrick Swayze or Kirk Cameron and post it behind your desk so nobody finds the whole. And then, during hall duty you can lightly dust the floors with rockdust.

10:44 AM

 
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

Meg- Ha! Shake out some asbestos dust from my pant leg as I walk down the halls.

Def. a poster of Patrick Swayze, a la Dirty Dancing. May be too risque for a middle school though?

12:59 PM

 
Anonymous English6B rocks hardcore!

Where the hell is MY coffee? That's what I wanna know!

6:31 PM

 
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

Oh, English6B. Just count yourself lucky you don't have the 10:30 a.m. lunch.

9:09 AM

 

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