I'm Changing My Title To "Coffee Bitch"

Somehow, some way, every time I decide to run out for coffee on my 20 minute lunch break word leaks out and I end up getting 12 very complicated orders ranging from small non-fat soy chais to grande caramel lattes with extra caramel, whipped cream, and Splenda. Seriously, once someone even drew a diagram for me to bring to Starbucks to show the barista with a coffee to milk ratio- I could actually see her muscles contract while she tried to refrain from rolling her eyes at me. And if she had spit in that coffee, I wouldn't have blamed her. Then I have to walk about 8 blocks with the coffee sloshing around into the cardboard holder, which brilliantly falls apart when wet.

Also, there are at least four different coffee places within a five minute walk from me. And while I prefer the tiny, local place with the delicious plain coffee, I never get to go there. Why? Because everyone else wants Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts. And then I get the disappointed puppy dog face when I put my foot down and tell them I'm going local. "Weeell.... ok. I guess I'll get something from there," they mutter.

Well hey, don't let me put you out.

Then, after writing down all their insane orders, printing out copies in triplicate, walking (on my lunch break!) to the farthest possible coffee location, explaining said insane orders to the hapless baristas, re-explaining them, correcting them, filling the appropriate amount of milk/cream/half & half/soy/non-dairy creamer into each cup, carrying them all back to school, trays in each hand... then I get to deliver them to my co-workers in their rooms, like I'm some sort of Coffee UPS.

What it comes down to? I'm a sucker.

Maybe I can build myself a secret exit under the school that pops right up in the back room of my fave place? Hmmm... definitely something to look into.