Five Things That Make Me Nervous (Or, the Real Wednesday Post)

For your handy reference, I have compiled a list of the Top 5 Things That Make Me Nervous. File this information away, it may someday prove invaluable. But know this: if you choose to use this list to exploit my strange anxieties, I swear I'll never rest till I find out what freaks you out and get you back. For reals. Anyway, just a little clarification- by "nervous" I don't mean having-a-breakdown-checking-myself-into-Bellevue-nervous, I just mean edgy, slightly anxious, and/or irritated. In ascending order:

5. When I enter a bathroom and the stall I usually frequent is already occupied. It's like my bathroom plans have been totally derailed and I have to regroup and search for alternatives. Like, the stall next to it. Unthinkable. Most times, I'll just leave the bathroom and come back 10 minutes later- enough time for the offending party to leave and for the toilet seat to cool off from their ass print.
4. People that chew with their mouths open and/or hearing people chew. Gross. Really, who wouldn't be irritated by this? I think it's a deep-rooted distaste, possibly stemming from a detestable Uncle who used to eat macaroni and cheese. All the time. The cheese would be all smeared on his lips and when he talked or guffawed, bits of macaroni and slimy strings of cheese would fly out at you.
3. Butterflies. Freak me right out. They're worms, people. Worms that distract you by flying at you with Spin Art wings. Don't be fooled.
2. I have this (completely irrational) fear that if I don't watch my garage door go down all the way that some homeless person or murderer will combat roll their way under the closing door and I will have an unhappy surprise the next time I enter my garage. Like a knife in my throat. Or a change cup thrust under my nose.

And the number one thing that causes me undue worry:

1. Smokey the Bear signs. Do you have these? They are everywhere around here, outside every fire station I pass. "Smokey the Bear Says the Fire Danger Today Is:" and then the firemen post the appropriate signage. Anything other than a "LOW" and I am on super high alert all day long for brush fires. A "MODERATE" or "HIGH" make me want to stay home from work. It's no joke. Only you can prevent forest fires.