Attack of the Killer Mold Spores

This morning I re-entered my library for the first time since the FLOODS OF '06 headlines started appearing. Was I greeted pleasantly by my greenhouse-inspired, 70's throwback of a library? No, indeed I was not. In fact, I was assaulted by some high-power mold action. It nearly brought me to my knees. My office smelled like someone's basement had flooded, drained, flooded again, corroded some paper and boxes and sweaty gym socks, and then was left with no air ventilation for a year in the heat of summer. That's the closest approximation to the smell I can manage for you. Now, this is a middle school. I am used to rank smells- B.O., farts, unshowered bodies, AXE body spray. But this was something deeper, more profoundly nauseating. When I expressed my concerns about this, the custodian jovially answered, "Ehh, just open some windows! Nothin' to it!" Sheer genius, my man.

"And the mold shall sense the open windows, and the mold shall see that it is good. It shall fly up and out, to be closer to the sun and the fresh, clean, spring air." So sayeth the librarian.

So the carpeting isn't wet, per se, but the slight dampness lets me know that there's a veritable bacteria fest going on under that pretty orange surface, just waiting to explode its nasty spores into my lungs. I just hope all that "contaminated water" they were talking about hasn't seeped into my clothing. I'd really hate to get e.coli for the summer.

But hey... I can see the sun!