The ins and outs of a young library media specialist's life. Rock, rock on.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Drudgery and Rants

Paying bills makes me miserable. I hate money and everything to do with money, unless it involves having unlimited amounts available to me. Unfortunately, this has yet to happen. When I start to think about how much money I actually owe that I will have to pay back in my lifetime (which happens at least once a month, when I look at my bank statement), I start to get that fearful, anxious, dread feeling, like a dull ache at the back of my brain. My brain simultaneously kicks into overdrive, concocting schemes of how to get out of paying my overwhelming student loans that involve elaborate staged deaths all shrouded in mystery, and causes the other part of my brain to simply shut down, making it difficult to concentrate on said bills that need paying.

I've been pretty good about everything being timely and balanced. I try not to live beyond my means, I haven't taken a true vacation anywhere in years. Granted, I also didn't work last summer, which meant I had no extra income (and I sure could've used it), but I'm still glad I took that freebie couple of months and did what I wanted to do. This summer I'll be working at an athletic club, mindless and cheerful work that I won't mind doing for 20 hours a week. And of course, the school still pays me through the summer, so that's a check in the bank every two weeks regardless of how many hours I put in at the gym.

So why is it that I still always feel behind? Plus, the end of the school year always brings expenses- birthdays, retirement parties, showers, weddings, etc. I hate feeling resentful about paying $55 to go to a party celebrating a friend's retirement after 35 years teaching, but I do. I hate trying to cram in as many graduate credits as I can every year so that I can sloooowly climb the ranks of the school pay scale. I hate having to worry about being in a union contract year and school committee meetings where the town declares they have no money for raises for the teachers, let alone a cost of living increase. What other profession would be forced to to accept a 1% pay raise every year? What is that, an extra $20 a month?

I hate feeling like I'll never be able to buy a house in this area because there is nothing affordable and it's impossible to save. I'm sad that the area I love so much is so far out of reach it's insane.

I also hate feeling unhappy with an educational system that could be so great, if only it got the recognition it deserved rather than being glossed over while the big money goes into weaponry and warfare.

Yes, I chose to go to graduate school and I took out the loans. But why should I have a lifetime sentence of bills just because I wanted to better myself? Why should I owe more than my actual yearly salary in student loans, just so that I can meet state standards for my job? Like I'm supposed to just shrug and say, "Oh well, at least I'm considered 'highly qualified'!"

I think I should have been born independently wealthy or something.

God, I hate bills day.

16 Comments:

Blogger Kirsten rocks hardcore!

I feel your pain!

Which is why I had to initiate Project: life, 180. I got tired of working just to pay bills. It is time to work because it makes me happy!


Yeah, I'm broke... but I'm living in a beautiful area - RENT FREE and finally realizing my dream of SELF EMPLOYMENT. Weeeeee!

12:14 PM

 
Anonymous abbersnail rocks hardcore!

Boy, do I feel you. Every time I look at my bank account, I feel like vomiting. Every time I open a bill, I want to pass out. Ugh.

12:26 PM

 
Blogger L Sass rocks hardcore!

You fine folks in education really get screwed--but you will eventually pay off the loans and you will eventually get a house and you will eventually take a vacation, I promise!!

Until then, happy bill paying!

12:30 PM

 
Blogger Beej rocks hardcore!

It is 100% terrifying that if I am ever able to buy a house in the area, the downpayment alone will be more than triple what my grandparents paid for their entire house.

1:06 PM

 
Blogger Hope V rocks hardcore!

I feel like I'm reading about my life! It sucks when your pay check is spent before it ever arrives because as soon as you look at it you send it away to the financial equivalent of the grim reaper (which of course are the loans/credit card/rent/etc companies). Way depressing. I share in your misery my friend. :(

1:20 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous rocks hardcore!

happens to me every week...I choose to ignore it all until I feel like dealing...HA!

2:13 PM

 
Blogger Ween rocks hardcore!

Oh honey - I haven't had a raise in four years. I do it all for the love of the job, which some days is also lacking.

Hence, the Masters. So maybe I can make marginally more than I do now in order to pay off the student loans.

2:45 PM

 
Blogger stefanie rocks hardcore!

You have to pay $55 to go to someone's retirement party?!?

I'm sorry; I know that's not the full point of the post, but I can't get past that one detail.

2:53 PM

 
Blogger Noelle rocks hardcore!

Ick, I have to pay my bills today too. That pay raise thing sucks, I work for a start-up and we haven't yet hit the threshold of when we get any kind of raise, even standard of living. I track my expenses, and I have no idea... No idea where the money goes.

3:11 PM

 
Anonymous alyndabear rocks hardcore!

As a fellow teacher, I hear you. I choose to blissfully ignore my student loans because a) I couldn't pay them off even if I wanted to do and b) They are deducted from my minimally small wage ANYWAY.

Teachers get shit all benefits. They wonder why so many quit the professional early. They have no freaking idea.

Money is terrifying me right now. After splurging on the laser eye surgery, my car registration and insurance, I'm back to nothing.

Did I mention I'm moving OVERSEAS TO LIVE in six months or so?

4:25 PM

 
Blogger Lisa rocks hardcore!

Wow, this felt like MY life too. Man do I feel your pain....it's awfully frustrating to live in a world where baseball players get paid millions, billions go to warfare and the teachers that are making a difference can't even afford to live in the town they work in. Depressing. I hate bills too!

6:38 PM

 
Blogger stilettoheights rocks hardcore!

I always think I should have been born royalty, or as an Olsen or something.

money=scary

7:48 AM

 
Anonymous liberace rocks hardcore!

I think a little chicken poop might make you feel better.

7:56 AM

 
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

K- The idea of living rent free is ALMOST appealing enough to make me move back to NH. Almost, but not quite.

abbersnail- I think I might have actually passed out, last time I paid my bills.

l sass- gee, thanks. :)

beej- I hear you. My parent land is worth triple what they paid for it 20 years ago.

hope v- if the grim reaper = sallie mae, then yes. That is where I'm sending all my money. :(

anon- I tried the ignoring it routine for a couple of months. Turns out, they do know where I live.

W- screw that! gas prices and union dues alone are enough for me to demand a pay increase, master's or no.

stef- why yes, it is $55 dollars- didn't you know that every school has their retirement parties at the COUNTRY CLUB?! I guess I should consider myself lucky- I thought it was going to be $75.

noelle- is it at least cheaper to live out there on the Christmas tree farm? I have to believe that someone, somewhere is paying a normal amount for rent.

aly- I know. I'm already eyeing university jobs with envy at how much they get paid. They don't get the summers off, but that extra 20 grand a year would sure be nice...

lisa- there's no way I could live in the town I work in, unless I married some millionaire, and that's not happening. Unless Chris wins the lottery (without ever playing) and then asks me to marry him. But that might be a long shot.

Jenn- I've often thought that. I'd like to be rich, but not famous. Although, if I HAD to be famous to be rich, I might consider it... maybe.

lib- NEVER! :)

10:56 AM

 
Blogger Tori rocks hardcore!

I wrote about money woes on my blog not too long ago. I can totally relate to this post. I resent the fact that I get so bent out of shape over bills and finances. I am tempted to plant a money tree and see what happens...

5:29 PM

 
Blogger CarpeDM rocks hardcore!

I hate bills. I really think it is stupid that you (and every other teacher, librarian, etc) are not paid what you deserve. I don't get how ball players can make millions & you guys barely get by. Makes me sick. One of my "When I become the actual queen of the universe (as opposed to self-proclaimed)" posts mentioned how I would make sure you guys were getting the big contracts. Spread the word...I'm sure if enough people recognize me as their rightful queen, it's only a matter of time before universe domination...I mean, liberation is mine.

12:21 PM

 

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