This Little Piggy Went To The Market

This past weekend was a mix of highs and lows, people. But the lows were very low, so I am not going to discuss them until further notice. Just keep your fingers crossed for me that everything turns out okay, hmm? Rather than worrying about things I am attempting to distract myself with a special viewing of Pretty Woman (thanks, OnDemand!) and some mint chip yogurt*.

Onward and upward: remember how I said last week that I was a sucker for cool packaging? No? Well, I don't blame you, that meme was a tad long and my answers were more than a tad boring. Anyway, I'm sorry to admit that it's very true; I will buy anything that looks cool or comes in a pretty package. I'm probably the sole source of income for all those Packaging Design majors at RISD.

When Chris gets the idea in his head that he wants to buy something, he'll spend roughly seven years researching reviews, looking at it in the store, debating with me over brands and prices, wavering, quaffling, and being indecisive. He then purchases something that he has never even mentioned and the cycle ends- until the next time he wants something. I'm almost the opposite, in that I rarely know that I want something until it's right in front of my face, then my impulses take over my fine motor skills and it's in my shopping basket. Basically I'm like a child: easily distracted by bright and shiny objects. So, with the best interests of my adoring public at heart , I am willing to give my completely uneducated and half-formed opinions on said crap so that you may wisely choose what to spend your hard earned Ben Franklin's on. Here are just a few of my recent purchases, none of which I had any idea whether or not they were complete and utter crap until buying them, bringing them home, and using them.

Method Bloq Shaving Cream: I mentioned this one on Friday but I think I owe it to you all to mention it again because this stuff is the devil incarnate. Not only is it terrible for shaving your legs with, it also attracts every mosquito in a 90-mile radius. Looks pretty and smells yummy, but I suggest you put away that $5 for something that will not cause you to curse baby Jesus in the shower every morning for making you so gullible.

Trader Joe's Nourish Spa Shampoo and Conditioner: Once I've dispensed with the morning's shaving torture, I can relax my pretty little head with this little duo of delight. I know the packaging doesn't look like much (nor does the $2.50 price tag), but it smells amazing and will make your hair seem like you just went to the salon... every day. Also, it doesn't have that chemical in it that almost every other shampoo has that dries out your hair. You know the one. Sodium something? Whatevs. It doesn't have that. Yay, Trader Joe's!


Aveda Light Elements Smoothing Fluid: Tiny, pretty little blue bottle. So cute! Must have! Right now! In my bag you go! Here is my credit card! Signing my name... annnnnd I just spent $25.00. But fear not, lovelies, this stuff does the trick on frizzies and flyaways like no one's bidness.
Pro: is awesome.
Con: proves I should not be allowed in salons alone, ever.
SOYJOY Nutrition Bars: Oh, soy product. You know I love thee. And you come in mango now? Never mind that you look like cardboard! Come to me. I must taste your fruits.

Uhh, yeah. These things are delicious. And expensive. And tiny. But so very good for you, surprisingly. I only wish mine came with Japanese writing on it because then I would've bought 20.


Diet Coke Plus: Just what it sounds like, duh. Diet Coke with vitamins and minerals! Which ones? No idea. Cool logo though, yes? Oh wait, here it is... B3... zinc... something else. Is B3 even a vitamin? Is that like a quarter of B12?

Why did I buy this? Let me spell it out for you, script-style. Scene: A CVS in a very sketchy neighborhood. Time: 11 p.m. Outside, three cop cars are parked in the lot, surveying the lay of the land. Chris and I exit, only to find ourselves trapped in rival gang fire. With a burst of super B3 energy, I grab Chris and throw him over my shoulder and leap the 100 yards to his car, thus ensuring our safety. The cops clap and whistle and I take a small bow, then hand them the Diet Coke Plus bottle cap. "Try it," I say earnestly, "there's just nothing like it!"

Shut up! That so could have happened. Regardless, I thought it tasted just like Diet Coke, Chris thought it tasted like Tab, we both enjoyed it and agreed to disagree.

Sony Clock Radio: Yeah, I had a perfectly functioning alarm clock already. So what? This one is green and orange! And plays different alarm melodies. And has a weekend mode. Actually, I do love the dual alarm function, it was a bit wearying when I had to reset the alarm every morning so that the Christopher could then hit snooze 90 gajillion times. And it was on sale at Target, the store where everything seems like I could possibly need it at some point.
And on that note, I will end this list of folly. I mean seriously: I don't need to divulge all my impetuous purchases to you. Yet.


*Please don't worry about me too much, all the people in my life are just fine. And that is as much as I'm willing to say for now.