The ins and outs of a young library media specialist's life. Rock, rock on.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Shock and Awe

I was just sitting here quietly, minding my own business, poring over the latest It Girl book, when I happened to glance out the window and saw something that caused me to let out an involuntary shriek. A quiet shriek, but a shriek nonetheless.

My first thought was, "Why is that woman wearing a tumbleweed on her head?". My second thought was, "Wait, is that a woman? It seems to be capable of walking... and it has a purse". And my final thought before I lost consciousness due to shock was something along the lines of, "At least my hair doesn't ever do that."

People, I grew up in New Hampshire. I have seen some bad hair in my day. Hell, I've been to events where there wasn't a single non-offensive haircut in the whole damn place. But this woman... this woman hurt my eyes and she hurt my soul. And for that, I can never forgive her. If only I had any type of artistic skills, I would have immediately drawn her so that I could bring the picture to my next salon visit and emphatically point out what I do NOT want done to my hair. Maybe if I describe it well enough, one of my more artistically inclined friends (Jenn, I'm looking at you) can do an actual drawing. Until then, the best I can provide you with is this:

I know. Please, take a minute to absorb the image before you move on.

So as I was saying, it was mostly her hair that caused me to pass out, but in retrospect it was really the eyebrow/hair combo that pushed me over the edge. What you may or may not be able to tell from my crude MS Paint rendering is that her eyebrows actually looked like moth wings after the moth has been caught in one of those zappers and fried to an electrocuted, burnt mess. However, some of those eyebrow hairs managed to escape the singeing and grew to their full height, i.e. she just combed them right into her hair. And they were curly!

Hold on, I need to catch my breath.

The top half of her "hair" looked as though she went to a dog groomer and asked for their best poodle cut, but the groomer was having an off day and somehow managed to make it completely uneven and also needed to shave down bits where there were mats. The bottom half looked as though she might at some point have had a perm but it didn't quite take and then tree roots started to grow in it. It was also uneven, but in a less disturbing way, almost like it was in its natural state and all it needed was a good watering and she'd be good to go every morning. Some of the tendrils had regenerated where it was dead and sprouted little off-shoots of new curls.

Did I mention it was down past her waist?

I almost had the thought that she must have been involved in some kind of bet where the contestants wanted to see who could go the longest without ever touching their hair, kind of like the time in college when we were on the train in Boston and my friend Megan bet me my train fare that I wouldn't wear a side ponytail the entire trip and I did. Only, the train ride lasted about 10 minutes and this woman had to have been working on this hair for a bare minimum of 10 years, so I was kind of sad for her, but also amazed that she's apparently able to shrug off people's constant stares and stifled gasps without so much as pulling out a comb.


Anonymous Anonymous rocks hardcore!

maybe she feels beautiful or she could be a witch in disquise as a woman from Manchester, NH....

10:03 AM

Blogger L Sass rocks hardcore!

I can't believe you spotted me on my trip to Boston!! The blogosphere is a small, small world.

I'll have you know that I think this look really works for me. Pshaw.

10:55 AM

Blogger Noelle rocks hardcore!

I think her twin works at the Stop & Shop in my town.

1:50 PM

Anonymous Anonymous rocks hardcore!

I think it was a hat.
An Easter Bonnet gone bad.

2:37 PM

Blogger Ween rocks hardcore!

I was hoping you'd say it was really a tumbleweed, because there's a dude in Hollywood who always wears some kind of branch or shrub on his head.

I love L.A.

4:12 PM

Blogger Lisa rocks hardcore!

The other day I was at a committee meeting and I saw a woman wearing a blue bananna clip. Not even kidding. Like the kind you wore in 1980 when you were like 5. I don't think people look in the mirror sometimes!

5:19 PM

Blogger Aaron rocks hardcore!

I'm sorry, are you sure it was a window you were looking at and not a mirror? Because that drawing looks awfully familiar...

5:44 PM

Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

anon- I sure hope she feels beautiful. It kind of reminded me of a certain crazy aunt who has a ridiculous mane of hair and an even more ridiculously young boyfriend.

l sass- Oh, phew! It was just you! Thank goodness it wasn't some stranger...

noelle- I can't imagine two of them co-existing on this planet. It's not possible, on any level.

anon2- I sure do hope so. And I sure wish I knew where she got it, if so.

ween- Now THAT is awesome.

Lisa- Weee! Where do you even buy banana clips these days? It must be a vintage piece! I usually just see a lot of scrunchies and denim overalls at teacher conferences.

Cochrane- You're a dead man.

7:34 PM

Blogger stilettoheights rocks hardcore!


I doubt I could do better at capturing her than you did, priceless!!!

I have seen things like that, I did drunkenly go to a bull riding event here in the mid west...

word to the wise, people take that shit seriously out here.


7:33 AM

Anonymous Anonymous rocks hardcore!

I have 2 banana clips that I might now put up for bid on ebay...what do you think? Or should I tuck them away in my treasure chest along with the dirty snap bracelet?

9:12 AM

Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

HA! A dirty snap bracelet! Don't put it on eBay, send it to me!

2:01 PM

Blogger stefanie rocks hardcore!

Now THOSE are some serious Mad Paint Skillz. Puts my prom dress rendering a few weeks back to shame. Well done, my dear. Well done.

10:50 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home

hit counter