The ins and outs of a young library media specialist's life. Rock, rock on.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

NPW Stardust

It seems like haircuts have been a popular topic 'round the blog block of late, and it's pretty easy to see why. I mean, a girl's hair is the source of her power. Good hair can be a valuable asset, bad hair is a girl's kryptonite. But rather than collect data from an informal blog survey on what my readers think, this time I decided to opt out of asking for advice from the internets- only because it seems like every time I ask for advice I just get even more worried and worked up. And then things turn out fine in the end and I realize I caused myself a good deal of anxiety over nothing. Well my friends, I know now that I should have reached out to you: I had the worst haircut of my life yesterday. No joke. I've been lamenting my poor chopped off hair for 24 hours and I think I've finally moved on from the denial phase to the anger phase.

When I called my regular Aveda salon yesterday afternoon there was no answer. No machine, no friendly receptionist, no little beep like they're on the other line, please try back. Nothing. I should've taken that as a sign. Life doesn't throw you unanswered telephone calls willy-nilly. Life was trying to tell me something. And being the impatient fool that I am, I didn't listen. Well, you know what they say about hindsight being all Lasik and I've learned my lesson. Still, that doesn't help my current situation.

After I didn't get any answer at my regular salon, I called the fall-back salon in the hopes they'd have an impromptu appointment available. I'd been there a couple of times and my memories of the place were hazy but not entirely bad. As luck had it, they did have an appointment available. At 3:30, I asked? Oh, whenever. "No worries, someone will be free when you show up," they trilled. They weren't kidding. There were at least 8 people having a food fight with pieces of lettuce and discussing all the times they caught their parents "doing it" when I showed up. My stylist came to scoop me up out of the mess of salad dressing smears and I noticed right away that I was scared of her hair. My gut was wrenching itself into a knot telling me to RUN! Run away! You do not want a hipster mullet! Get out now!

Then the second major sign that things were about to go horribly awry occured as I sat down in the stylist's chair and she popped the dreaded question: "So... what were you thinking for your hair?"

First off, I hate that question. For two reasons: 1. very rarely do I know what I want to "do" with my hair, and 2. even if I have some vague notion, I have no idea how to describe what I'm after. Apparently I never learned the crucial hair lingo required to survive a trip to the salon. I've always sheepishly depended on stylists to assess my hair and do their best with it. Hey, I never went to Blaine School of Hair Design. So I ventured a guess: "Oh, I was thinking some longer layers with longer, kind of side-swoopy bangs?" She wrinkled her nose in disgust (actually wrinkled it!) and exhaled loudly. "Long layers? Really? I'm not doing long layers. You need to take some of this hair off." This did not bode well with me, but I hadn't prepared myself to be ballsy enough to just stand up and walk out of there. Also, if I tried to escape I'm pretty sure this girl with her giant Elvis tattoos would have bitch slapped me back into the chair.

And then the slow torture began. Because once she started razoring the shit out of the sides, I knew it was all over. There's no salvaging the razored hair. I simply resigned myself to months and months of awkwardness, and promised myself some mini Cadbury eggs and a good cry when I got home.

At one point during the shearing I commented, "Umm, my hair looks like David Bowie." She kind of giggled and then said, "Wait, that's a good thing, right?"





Oh, you want to see a picture of the new 'do? Fine. Here you go:


When I got home and called Chris to cry about my hair he was only mildly sympathetic. He seemed to think I should have stopped her midway if I didn't like how she was cutting it. Like I have the power to stop someone holding scissors right up against my neck?

"Wait, so are you saying you think your hair looks like Ziggy Stardust David Bowie, or I'm Afraid of Americans David Bowie?"

"Does it matter?! You're supposed to tell me I'll look beautiful no matter what my hair looks like," I groaned.

"Oh, yeah. That."

"Mmm hmm. Too late now."

"What can I do to make you feel better? I'll do anything. You want me to smash every mirror in the house for you? Duct tape your eyes closed? I would do that for you."

I guess I deserve this for going to get my hair cut at a place named after a Hanna-Barbera cartoon.

Sigh.

15 Comments:

Blogger 3carnations rocks hardcore!

Well, I'm sure it looks lovely...and you'll be first in line if they decide to recast the role of the ex-fiance in The Wedding Planner...

7:59 AM

 
Blogger Aaron rocks hardcore!

If it makes you feel any better, I just got home from Target and realized I bought the Full Screen version of Children of Men. WTF?!

Yeah, that doesn't really compare, does it?

Seriously, though, I am really sorry about your hair. That completely blows. And I empathize, too: knowing me, I probably wouldn't have stopped her, and just let my hair be destroyed.

Of course, I'm sure it doesn't look nearly as bad as you're making out, either. And at least Chris will still love you -- even if you do look like Jareth, the Goblin King.

9:19 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous rocks hardcore!

Des will like it...she actually wanted to watched the Labarinyth saturday. the Babe with the power....it will grow back. Always go in with a picture of something you would like...and never go back to that place again.

10:00 AM

 
Anonymous Lex rocks hardcore!

I neeeeeed a real pic please!!

11:03 AM

 
Blogger Noelle rocks hardcore!

Oh NPW, I'm so sorry! It's been a while since I've had a bad haircut, but it's also been a while since I've dared to say anything to a hairdresser but "do what you did last time" (excepting when I went for bangs, which was super scary.)

If you're keeping the Bowie look, you should learn to juggle crystal balls. That would rock hardcore.

12:54 PM

 
Blogger Ween rocks hardcore!

Think of it as an opportunity to wear kicky hats until it grows out.

2:26 PM

 
Blogger b rocks hardcore!

Nothing? Nothing?! Nothing, Tra la la?!
-Jareth

3:25 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous rocks hardcore!

um, your boyfriend used to have a mullet. i've got pictures! the idea of a bad haircut is clearly lost on him.

- kir

4:25 PM

 
Anonymous megan rocks hardcore!

it's better than looking like Hoggle!

4:38 PM

 
Blogger Lisa rocks hardcore!

OK, first of all, I never EVER know what to say when they ask me what do you want to do with your hair today? I don't know. You tell me, you are the one I'm paying a huge chunk of money to cut my hair! Apparently I never learned crucial hair lingo either. Secondly, I'm sure it's not as bad as it seems, but on the off chance it is, could you call the first salon and see if they can salvage it? Maybe this is an opportunity to try a shorter haircut!
I'm so sorry though!

4:34 AM

 
Anonymous alyndabear rocks hardcore!

My hair has not recovered from the stupid hairdressers' slaughering in DECEMBER.

In three months, it HAS NOT GROWN BACK. Seriously. WTF did she do to it?

I bet it's not that bad, though. I'm insisting pictures, through email if you have to. :P

4:57 AM

 
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

3carnations- ha! thanks.

Ace- The entire time I was writing this post I had that song in my head- "You remind me of the babe"
"What babe?"
"The babe with the power."
"What power?"
"The power of voodoo!"
"Who do?"
"Do what?"
"Remind me of the babe."

Anon- I do love that movie. Maybe I should embrace my inner Jareth and break out the spandex?

lex- Maybe I'll send one. If you're lucky.

Noelle- Yeah, that would rock pretty hardcore. Especially if I could turn them into snakes and then hold a masquerade ball inside one of them.

W- hey, yeah! I didn't think of that. Of course, I can't wear hats at school, but still...

B- ha! Ha hahahahaha.... at least I wasn't thrown headfirst into the Bog of Eternal Stench.

Kir- it seems as though hair doesn't phase him much. He actually likes my haircut. Surprisingly, a lot of people have commented on how much they like it. But I still want the mullet pictures!

Meg- Weeee! "Hoggle is Hoggle's friend!"

L- The shortest layers on top are like three inches long! I'd have to cut it way short to make it work. I think I'll just have to stick this one out. (But thanks!)

Aly- Oh no! I hope my hair grows back faster than that! I already miss it.... I will email you my Flickr account addy so you can see the damage. :(

7:01 AM

 
Blogger stilettoheights rocks hardcore!

ok...before I get to your hair...

Aaron- I mistakingly bought the Full screen version of Lost in Translation several years back....sucks.

ok Shelly....Labyrinth is very hot right now with hipsters and wannabe emo kids, so maybe you will have a whole slew of groupies at work.

Failing that, invest in an adorable hat,I can get examples to you by the end of the day if need ne.

7:50 AM

 
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

Jenn- Phew. I'm running out of Labyrinth quotes. I would love some hat recommendations... I only have 4 hats- two are snow hats and one is a baseball cap. You can see I'm in need of hat help.

8:22 AM

 
Blogger stilettoheights rocks hardcore!

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=5612122

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=5596803

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=5593243

8:39 AM

 

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