Extreme Entertainment

Watching children nervously rock back and forth, hands shaking as their pencils scribble across standardized test booklets is not my idea of a good time, but it does allow me to get a good bit of reading done. I thought I'd start in on some of the kitschy-looking 1970's fiction I've located in my library (not all that hard to come by) and I've found a couple of real winners in the collection. But after four days of that, I had reached the saturation point.

This morning was so boring that I could actually feel my brain atrophying inside my skull. My eyelids were begging to be propped open Tom and Jerry style, toothpicks straining to keep me from slumbering. Please, Baby Jesus, just let me sleep away a bit of the boredom.

What could I do to entertain myself? There had to be something so exciting that I would no longer be in danger of embarassing myself by having my Principal shake me awake by the shoulders, sprawled out on a desk with a little puddle of drool pooled under my cheek. I quickly ruled out my idea of "borrowing" some of the band instruments to "test out", as well as my half-formed plan of building a fort made of books. I didn't have enough Krazy Glue to do anything that would hold my attention for very long and I wasn't desperate enough to try out the new hot glue gun. But then, as my eyes fell on my mini-fridge, I had an idea: I'd eat my fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt without mixing it up.

I. KNOW!

It kept me entertained for all of 4 minutes and nauseous for 4 hours. Who knew that the fruit on the bottom was actually just super-sweetened fruit product? It always tastes so real when it's mixed in with the yogurt. Then I started wondering about whether I had consumed the live cultures in the yogurt part or the fruit part, and I started to actually feel ill. It also made me very sad that all I had for the rest of my lunch was a salad and a Clif Bar.

Screw testing. Tomorrow I'm bringing a deck of cards and some Girl Scout cookies.

This might help pass some time too. Holy addictiveness.