The ins and outs of a young library media specialist's life. Rock, rock on.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Thanking My Lucky Clovers I Made It Out of Southie Alive Sober

For a city that prides itself on it's Irish heritage, the Southie parade sure did suck. Thousands of people crushed into the train, alighting in the dangerously over-crowded Broadway station to gusts of bitterly strong wind and equally bitter gusts of beer breath. But even with the tumult, I was absurdly excited. I turned giddily to Chris; "This is going to be so awesome- I didn't know so many people came down here for the parade! Why have I never done this before?"

We quickly discovered the answer to that question.

While I've always vaguely understood that when people call themselves "Irish" they may as well just say "Alcoholic" (i.e.: "Oh, my family? Well I'm German and Italian on my mother's side, Alcoholic and Dutch on my father's), the euphemism became much more clear in my mind once we got above ground and saw the festivities that were going down. It quickly killed my naive excitement from the train station: what amounted to gas station attendants hocking $5.00 Southie t-shirts, high school kids in gothwear with hair dyed electric green drinking lime flavored Mad Dog 20/20 straight out of the bottle, college girls who used the holiday as an excuse to dress slutty and then loosely interpret their idea of St. Patrick with a green boa, a woman who tried to lay a blanket out on the street so she could get a good view (subsequently sitting in a large puddle of melting snow), authentic old Irish dudes dozing in rockers with blankets and pipes, and a sea of Red Sox hats covering frat boy and construction worker heads alike. We also saw lots and lots of puke.

That's not to say we didn't have fun! Fortunately for us, my friend Kelli hosted a party at her Southie digs and we had a third floor view of the parade, which was close enough to see that we were very lucky not to be down on the street. Right before it started I asked one of the girls what her favorite part of the parade was. She kind of made a face, adding: "Well, I personally like when the Unions come through. At least they have banners."

Ha ha, I laughed! What about the giant balloons and the floats and the brass bands? She just kind of snickered and went back to eating lime Jell-O shots like Bill Cosby himself had bought them for her. Oh, if only I had heeded those early warning signs and got myself smashed before everything went wrong the parade started!

And then, without fanfare, it began. I won't mince words here. The "parade" consisted of clusters of children walking with clover antennae, a few ragtag baton twirlers, a couple of men in kilts, one large Elmo, and a horde of Storm Troopers. Oh yes, and the Unions. All kinds of Unions, huddled in the back old pickup trucks waving frozen banners.

All in all, much of the party consisted of making fun of the parade and drinking a few token bottles of Guinness, which was A-OK by me. Thanks to Kelli, our trip to Southie did not end in getting puked on or screamed at and was, in fact, a great time. Her place is lovely, her friends were fun, and bonus: we have video footage of a couple of Boston dudes doing the ATM Dance.

I'd also like to thank Southie for showing me that all it takes to have a party in Boston that everyone is sure to attend is Bud Light in Solo cups and the promise of girls wearing green.


Anonymous Lex rocks hardcore!

I want to see the video...send it!

12:33 PM

Blogger Kelli rocks hardcore!

Oh my god, I can't believe you have a video of the ATM dance. That is freakin' AWESOME!

Southie is an experience in and of itself and on parade day it is just another world...
I AM glad you guys had fun at the party and while you may have witnessed puke on the streets of my hood, at least you didn't see any in my own apartment. That would've been a total buzz-kill.

And, man those jello shots were tasty...helped round off my 4th bloody mary!
P.S. Storm troopers are awesome.

12:51 PM

Anonymous Anonymous rocks hardcore!

Did anyone see Matt?

1:20 PM

Blogger Beej rocks hardcore!

Why are you so racist against alcoholics? Sheesh!


2:26 PM

Blogger 3carnations rocks hardcore!

Our St. Patrick's Day parade was pretty...simple, too. One fire truck, a few big irish families, a marching band...Still, a parade is a parade, and to my two year old son, that was good enough for him!

I'm Irish, and I wouldn't want any of that green beer anywhere near me! ;)

2:47 PM

Blogger stilettoheights rocks hardcore!

wow, it's like you described the audience when I saw Flogging Molly this year.

oh, and your mom is awesome!!

3:54 PM

Blogger Kelli rocks hardcore!

So I've mentioned to a few friends who were also in attendance that you might have the ATM dance on video and they're begging me to beg you to make that sucker appear...but I'm just the messenger.

4:11 PM

Blogger Lisa rocks hardcore!

Ha ha ha ha! Sounds like an experience! At least it's unforgettable, right? And I'm jealous you got to hang out with Kelli!

6:49 PM

Blogger Noelle rocks hardcore!

Now, I need to defend the Irish a little, because I'm a quarter Irish, and my boyfriend's 100%, and neither of us had a drop of alcohol on Saturday. Of course, we're also both nursing the cold from hell... I do believe that my boyfriend had a bit o' the green in the evening, but he probably smoked, not drank it!

9:36 PM

Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

Wow, an overwhelming demand for Southie kids doing the ATM Dance! I'll have to grab it off C's camera tonight and upload that ish to youtube.

3carnations: You guys had a fire truck? Damn, that's high class. No such luck in South Boston. We did have a Bud Light truck...

Stiletto: My Mom certainly is awesome. She's the best!

Noelle: I hear green stuff is good for colds- mold, wacky tobaccy, Irish beer. Sounds like you and B are well on your way to recovery!

And no, sadly, we did not spy Mr. Matt Damon. Apparently he's alread learned his lesson about the parade.

7:24 AM

Blogger Molly rocks hardcore!

Not my country's finest hour...Agree with 3carnations---keep that green beer away from me. Sounds like Kelli performed a great public service.....

9:09 AM

Blogger stefanie rocks hardcore!

I am equally perplexed by every holiday now being an excuse to dress slutty and wear boas and beads.

"German and Italian on my mother's side, Alcoholic and Dutch on my father's" totally cracked me up. :-) And I'm a quarter Irish, so I can laugh without being offensive. (Or so I've decided.)

9:26 AM

Blogger CarpeDM rocks hardcore!

Glad you had a good time. My St Patrick's Day parade experience consisted of me looking out the window (27th floor) at the sea of green and thanking God I wasn't down there. Oh, and we had Chinese food that night.

I'm Scot-Irish so I always have this desire to wear orange on Saint Patrick's Day. Just one of the reasons why I didn't venture outdoors.

9:43 AM

Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

Molly- She certainly did. It was the best (albeit the only) Southie party I've ever been to.

Stefanie: Yeah, what's up with the dressing slutty? I thought that was reserved for Halloween costumes?

CDM- Wow, the 27th floor? Some view! Did you have giant balloons?

12:51 PM


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