The ins and outs of a young library media specialist's life. Rock, rock on.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

This Body Will Self Destruct in 3... 2... 1...

Dear NPW:

I don't understand why you insist on punishing yourself so. Do you really think you can survive on 4 hours of sleep a night? Maybe you could have pulled that off in college, but if you think back to good old 2000 you might recall that even then you had ample afternoon hours during which you could nap away your Tuesday night hangover. Now? Not so much. Because I don't think schools encourage you to nap during the day, unless of course you're teaching Kindergarten, and even then I'm pretty sure you're just supposed to watch them sleep, not curl up onto a cot yourself.

Your feeble attempts at staying healthy are not fooling us. One run a week? A salad followed by Girl Scout cookies? We're not stupid. A girl can't live on lettuce and Samoas anymore than she can live with 12 hours of sleep a week. And don't even get us started on how little H2O you've been consuming lately. One look at your dry skin and you're not keeping that secret from anyone.

I think we'll agree that the Aloha show last night was great. And yes, Harpoon Munich Dark is delicious. And yes, Central Square is quite the scene, even on a random Tuesday. But seriously: we can't take much more of this. So consider this your fair warning. Anymore of these brazen attempts to undermine our authority and we will shut this shit down.

Sincerely,
Your Body

11 Comments:

Anonymous Lex rocks hardcore!

you'll be out early... go home and nap damn you!!

11:02 AM

 
Blogger Ween rocks hardcore!

Samoas are the devil.

Even my dog is addicted to them.

3:16 PM

 
Anonymous alyndabear rocks hardcore!

Some"body"s cranky... haha.

4:14 AM

 
Blogger Lisa rocks hardcore!

Wow do I know how you feel! I think I've gotten this same letter from my body in the past!

4:25 AM

 
Blogger Aaron rocks hardcore!

Why can't I find any goddamn Girl Scout cookies anywhere?! I've not been hit up for them by anyone, nor can I find a table set up outside any of my local supermarkets and whatnot.

Seriously, it's like I'm driving around with money in my hand looking for Girl Scouts to proposition. Which, as I typed that, I realized it sounded bad. I just want their cookies.

Okay, that sounded worse. I'll quit while I'm ahead. But samoas and thin mints: I miss you.

7:36 AM

 
Blogger stilettoheights rocks hardcore!

mmmmmm, girl scout cookies, that would go well with my still whiskey filled tummy from last night.

7:41 AM

 
Blogger Beej rocks hardcore!

Don't fret, NPW. Once you cross the pinnacle of thirty, you only require four hours of sleep a night. Any more than that, and your ancient body might think that it's dead. It's science.

8:25 AM

 
Blogger Kelli rocks hardcore!

oh I can relate -- esp. if you're running on no sleep AND are feeling hungover...there is no place worse to be hungover than work.

9:10 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous rocks hardcore!

cocolate milk and a italian sub with the works is a good hangover cure....

9:50 AM

 
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe rocks hardcore!

You'll all be very proud: last night I abstained from drinking anything but water, and I also had some chicken soup and NO GS cookies. Although, I did have a bit of vanilla ice cream. Damn you, Breyer's Light!

10:25 AM

 
Blogger CarpeDM rocks hardcore!

Try the Haggan (oh, like anyone knows how to spell it) Daz 1/2 Mint choclate chip. Heaven. Of course I eat the whole pint at one time so I'm not sure it's all that healthy but I don't care.

I am still giggling about Aaron's comment.

I get this letter from my body every Monday and Friday. And now that I've turned 40, it seems to actually be self-destructing.

11:45 AM

 

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