Renewal

I drink a lot of coffee. And tea. And while I don't smoke, I've probably inhaled enough second-hand to somehow affect my poor teeth. And just to refresh your memory, I have to read some Bible piece about love at my cousin's wedding in front of hundreds of people in little more than a week.

My point: after years of stubborn refusal, I've given in to the teeth whitening strips. As a matter of fact I have them stuccoed to my teeth this very moment, as I sit here typing. I tried to get my dentist to just cap them all in gold; unfortunately, he claims that insurance would consider that cosmetic rather than necessary. (I calmly explained that it certainly was necessary, and if all my chompers were a solid 24k he'd never have to do work on them again. And still my teeth remain goldless.)

So my box of "Age Defying Strips" makes a bold claim: removes up to 20 years of stains off your smile. Just remember that when you see me and say, "Damn, that girl has the bright smile of a 7 year old! Wonder how she did it?"

I hope there are black lights at this wedding. My teeth are going to light it up.