NPW + Comcast = BFF

In lieu of having actual friends over every day, I've decided to just hang out with the technicians from Comcast. You know, since they're in my apartment daily at this point. They could have built a new Comcast headquarters in my driveway by now, but they've still not managed to get my cable to be anything but a mess of scrambled signals. It's lovely, really: it prevents me from having any meaningful relationship with my tv. But if Comcast thinks I'm going to miss another episode of the Office? They better prepare for a throwdown. And I don't mean like last Thursday, when the cable man stood awkwardly in my bedroom with me for 15 minutes watching the Office Christmas special. I mean watching tv in peace, with the knowledge that any time I need some cheesy 80's movies or an episode of Good Eats, I can access them with one little button click.

At least last night they didn't send the socially awkward, pimply technician. No, last night they sent the little street thug Eminem wannabe who made it big in the world of cable tv. His Comcast hat was all sideways, he had on more gold chains than I could count, and I'm pretty sure if he didn't have his belt cinched on the very last loop his jeans would have no way to stay on his body. I felt like mentioning to him that once the boxers start fraying and you can see the elastic waistband, it's time to buy new boxers. Or at least to pull up your pants enough so other people don't need to see them.

Still, not as bad as last week's doof, who blushed hot pink when I asked if he'd like a drink of water and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "I want to snort coke" but was probably more along the lines of, "I only drink Coke" judging by the four black teeth he had left in his face. I spent about three and a half hours with him mumbling things about cable lines and splitters and other crap I have no idea about. Once he declared things "fixed", he stood for another half hour watching tv- me, uncomfortable with him being in my bedroom for so long, him, chuckling maniacally under his breath at an ancient episode of The Simpsons. Finally Chris came home and I was spared any further explanations on cable signals.

But guess what? I get to do it again tonight! Excitement! Happy! Cable!