Laundry and the Undead

Doing laundry in my new place is pretty scary. First of all, I have to use the back hallway, which really serves no purpose except to petrify me in the nighttime as it is claustrophobia-inducing narrow. Secondly, there isn't adequate lighting, which causes me to a) feel like I'm going to pitch forward head-first into the dark with my laundry basket and break my neck and b) consider the very real possibility that our basement is teeming with vampires and other creatures of the dark.

So you can understand why I make sure Chris is with me at all times when I go down there after night fall. Although, upon further consideration I'm pretty sure he would react even worse than I would to a ghost sighting in the basement. In any case, I would need backup if/when the undead try to attack me and my dirty clothes. The real trouble is, I'm unsure what to bring with me when I go down there. Would a big knife do the job? Garlic? Wooden stakes? Silver bullets? (I don't actually own a gun, I thought I could maybe just bring down a Coors Light?) Do I put my weapon of choice right on top of the clothes for easy access, or semi-buried for an element of surprise?

Unfortunately I'm also pretty sure that if I did encounter Tim Curry in a clown suit or Jack Torrance with an axe down there I wouldn't have the wits about me to stab either of them with a stake. It's much more likely I'd have a heart attack and die on the spot before they could terrorize me further.

Because seriously? I don't need the last words I hear to be "We all float down here, NPW" or "Redrum! Redrum!" Especially when all I'm trying to do is wash my knickers in peace.