Drama Detox

Today marks a milestone in my middle school career: I was officially asked to the 8th grade semi-formal dance. By a student. I managed to not laugh in his face, but I'll tell you, the voice inside my head almost busted a gut (and gagged a little at the same time).

For real though, I'll never understand teachers that have affairs with students. Ignoring the fact that it's illegal and highly inappropriate, it's also really just kinda disgusting. What kind of sad life would you have to have before a relationship with a 13 year old starts to sound like a good idea? I didn't even want to date 13 year olds when I was 13. I guess my standards were too high; I appreciated personal hygiene that involved more than Axe Body Spray.

And besides, who wants to end up like this lady?

The last week has also included the mandatory drama that accompanies school functions, finding a "date" being just one of the reasons for angst: such fun things as dress shopping, renting the stretch Hum-V limo, collecting invites to after-parties, and after that, considering which hotel lobby. Checkin' out 6 in the morning. Who are these kids?

Adventures in Typing

Am I so reliant on a computer's backspace key that I am no longer able to type in a functioning way? I had to use a typewriter today for the first time since... I don't even know, elementary school?... and let me tell you, it was not a pretty sight. First I had to figure out how to turn the thing on. Then where to start scrolling the paper in and where to line up the cursor. The keys were all clattery and stilted, I couldn't tell if I was typing too fast for the poor little spinny ball thing to keep up. And my paper was carbon copied, so I couldn't even just throw some white-out on the mistakes and call it even. I had to retype it. Seven times. Seven. Is this what old people feel like when they try to learn how to use a computer? But in reverse? I'm gonna go practice on some scrap paper. I refuse to be daunted by a machine that even my grandmother could figure out.

All the Tech Fun, None of the Usability

Oh. My. God. I saw more scrunchies and overall jumpers today than was actually conceivable, not even if you imagined the combined decades of the 80's and 90's. My eyes hurt. Which is why I'm keeping this post short- I need some serious recovery time from the horror that is a Dept. of Education conference.

Geek chic librarian wins over actual geek teachers. Hands down.

Yo Ho Ho

Big plans up here in the biblioteca:

• This just in: the school spirit day theme is PIRATE day! Yar! I'm going to loosely interpret this to mean I can wear an eye patch and drink rum from a jug. I should totally invite Johnny Depp to join in the revelry.
• The school fashion show - students have designed and created their own fashions. And yes, this means they sewed up fabrics and whipped up some gimp necklaces and bedazzled the hell out of jeans. I can't wait to see it. They're even building a catwalk in wood shop.
• An 8th grade social and dance. If there's one thing I've learned this year, it's to never miss a chance to disengage 8th graders tongues from each others mouths. By "social" they mean "opportunity to grope a member of the opposite sex in the semi-dark cafeteria".
• Grade 5 Move Up Day. My main goal as librarian is to scare the poop out of the wee little ones before they make it up here. You know, weed them out a bit. See which of 'em can make it up here in the Big House.
• One final DDR tournament to bring home the championship.

As you can see, my calendar is filling up. The end of the school year is just going to fly by!

Give It Up for BOSTON

There are tons of cool things going down here in B-town. Some stuff to check out:

I highly recommend getting out to see something, anything, at the Independent Film Festival. Of course, tonight is the last night, so you're going to have to get that squat off and move it move it. Shows are playing at the Somerville Theatre, Coolidge Corner, and the Museum of Science. And there are so many to choose from- I think tonight we're going to head over for Pick Up The Mic. Chalk was also hilarious, if you're in any kind of education field you will be very entertained.

Next weekend is the North Cambridge Arts Open Studios, which I've heard features some pretty amazing local artists. I'm looking for some funky new jewelry to wear for a wedding in August, this may be a good bet.

May 18= Best of Music Poll for FNX radio. Who wouldn't want to be at a Lansdowne Block Party with shows by The Subways, Blackalicious, Ok Go!, Nada Surf, The Academy Is...??? I am so there. And so many other good shows coming up... what to buy, what to buy? I could go broke on concert tickets- Cake at the Casino, Snow Patrol at Avalon, The Eels at the Somerville Theatre, Aqualung at the Somerville Theatre. I think I'm in trouble.

Some other stuff I am totally geared up for: Haunted Trolley Tour, the new Cardio Exotica class, the SomerCambridge pub crawl (soon to be organized), a Boston Gardens walk, wine tasting, BBQing, hiking, canoeing, getting my a$$ outside.

Anyway, now that I am back at school this week I will have ample time to plot out my AprilMayJune schedule, all while dutifully fixing the library. Peace out.

Break It All Down

I'm so gonna to learn how to do this today...

Now the only question is, am I krump or clown?

Sweeping the Clouds Away

Remember when I said I would be all busy with the spring trees and whatnot? Apparently I lied. I am bored as a mofo up in here; it's dismally gray and cold, to the point that even a mini-shopping trip didn't improve my mood. Although I did get new jeans that don't fall off my ass. In any case, I woke up feeling restless and strange which, I can tell you, is not a great combination. I have a list of things a mile long I should be doing in my final days of freedom, none of which sound appealing: decide what I'm going to do this summer and look for a job, piles of laundry calling to me from my suitcase, spring clothes to liberate and sweaters to pack away.

So far all I've managed to decide is that I will pick up my friend from the airport at 12:30 and go to pilates later this afternoon. I also have some episodes of Alias season 4 to watch and A History of Violence. None of these options were on my list of things I should be doing. And yet...

Yesterday I rescued my plant from my parents place. Not that they weren't taking good care of it, the thing is huge. It's just that the cats tend to go a little crazy around any type of greenery and I didn't want my poor plant cannibalized. I also watched Mad Hot Ballroom; I only cried a little when the kids pulled off that amazing tango.

Now my sunburn is starting to itch a little. A reminder of sunnier days. It will peel and fade and then I'll be left with just the memories of April Vacation 2006. Summer's right around the corner. Almost there.

She's baaaaaack...

The other day I had this amazing idea for a post and then somewhere between the pool and the Florida sun and the Mickey Mouse ears it deserted me. Nevertheless, I'm back in my hood, my delicate skin only slightly burned and freckled, my body temperature only slightly chilled in the sunny Boston air.

Anyway, my impromptu trip down to FL provided exactly the right amount of R & R, sunnage, and funnage that this girl has been craving since the onset of fall. I even managed to run into only one of the families from my school down in the land of Travel and Tourism- which seems pretty good, considering the odds (I think this week was basically a mass exodus from my school directly to Disney). So what, exactly, did I do on my mini-break? I did a fair amount of lazing about by the pool in my bathing suit, swimming, and napping. I also managed to catch a few fireworks shows (from afar), had a couple really good meals, snuck onto the concierge floor to snag some shiraz, did some meandering at Downtown Disney, the Boardwalk, and the Universal City Walk*, experienced Orlando's infamous ass trees in full bloom, navigated my way through the maze of bus and monorail terminals, scoped out some of the other, more impressive, resorts, got awoken every morning by character breakfasts downstairs with children chanting MICK-ey! MICK-ey!, and spent some quality time with the badass at brickwindow. Overall, a trip to remember.

But the best part of the whole trip? You may well wonder at the image from this post. No, that is not some crazy picture I made on my Lite Brite just for you. That is an actual part of the Electric Water Pageant, a Disney lagoon spectacular the likes of which have never before been witnessed. So special is this show, in fact, that I had never even heard mention of it until it appeared like a vision outside the hotel room window. Replete with midi soundtrack glory, that crazy dragon eventually turns to American flags to complete the scene, and then travels its way down the lagoon to the next resort. At first the theory was that Disney was pumping hallucinogens into the hotel room through the AC vents, but after further investigation it was discovered that the EWP was actually a time-honored tradition since the park's inception way back in the 70's (which might explain it's low brow quality, but not why they've kept it). May I suggest they change the resort's name to the Notso Contemporary?

So now I'm back, with three more glorious vacation days until I return for the home stretch of my first year in a school. I'll do my best to update the rest of this week if I feel up to it, but you know how packed these spring days can get. How can I stay indoors with my computer when the trees look so pretty and inviting outside of my window?

*I vow that my next trip to FL will include a trip to Islands of Adventure, that place looked crazy awesome.

MCO

I'm off to the land of Minnie and Mickey. Fare thee well, blogketeers, I shall return next week for more library adventures!

I Dare You

A friend of mine mentioned this Urban Dare event going on in the city, I think we might actually sign up to do it. I've always wanted to do something like Amazing Race and this might be a more local way for me to get in on that action.

I know you all want to be like the cool kids, but don't everyone run out and sign up at once- I want you to think long and hard before you agree to race against me when you know you're going to get schooled hardcore. The agony of defeat may be too much for you.

One more day till vacation and counting down...

The View From A Treadmill: 6:30-7:30 p.m.

Brake lights reflected in the gritty glass. A sharp whistle. Dusk falling, twilight dimming the harsh lines of people's faces as they return home from work. People coming up from underground. A surprise meeting, animated smiles and eyes brightened in the pedestrian cross walk lights. The numbers count down. Dark hair twirling upwards, away, escaping pony tails, rustling and restless in the breezy night. Shouts. Slumped posture, faded sign, tattered paper cup for change. Disaffected youth leaning up against concrete, one tapping out a beat on his leg with drumsticks, headphones masking the city sounds, another picking idly at wheel of a well-worn skateboard. Everywhere, people on phones. Making plans. Giving orders. Talking to loved ones. Still working. A woman in the window of Starbucks, holding a bouquet of flowers, silently weeping. Someone glances at their watch, looks up at the sky, looks back at their watch.

A million lives being lived out. Lights on in each little apartment window, that's someone's home, that's someone's life. I almost can't believe that I'm allowed to see this much of people from up here on the second floor, running on the treadmill. Maybe I should be down there with them, running on the hard pavement, hearing their conversations. Maybe they'd feel the heat of my exertion as I brush past them. It might be my one chance to see them, to know them. It might be their only chance to know that I'm living out my life too, the same as them.

But for now, I'll just watch.

The April Countdown

A few random things to start the week off:

1. My team did not win the spelling bee. Before you offer your condolences, however, I realize that it was all for fun and charity*.
2. I now have bangs. Not the straight-across the forehead kind, more of the swoopy to the side punk rock bangs that hang in your eye just enough to be annoying. Why I thought this was a good idea, I do not know.
3. Allergy season has arrived at last! With it comes the inevitable coughing, sneezing, itchy eyes, and general irritability that these symptoms provoke. It's definitely time for some prescription action. Is anyone else suffering like this?
4. Four more days until April vacation. I am so ready for some R & R it's not even funny. I have a variety of options available to me this break but it's nearing the zero hour and I better start making some plans. Thank the good lord Xenu this is a short week.

Anyway, today's goals are simple- I need to learn the new cataloging system in the library before I even attempt to do any further work. I'm thinking that if I just play around with it enough I will either break it so badly that they will be forced to send out some tech people to help me figure it out, or I will figure it out all on my own like the genius I am. I'm guessing the latter.

*And also know: next year I will kick ass.

Wish Me Luck

Tonight's agenda: spelling madness up in this piece.

Friday is here at last. After tonight there will be no more worrying about whether I will be able to spell agathokakological under pressure, no more breaking into a cold sweat thinking about the entire town watching this farce on public access television, no further need to threaten my roommate into quizzing me during commercial breaks of Lost.

It will all be over. And my fate as the world's biggest nerd, sealed.

Fever Pitch

Along with the promise of blue skies and warm weather, spring brings with it the dreaded wedding fever. Maybe it's because I am at the age when people are pairing off like mad or maybe I just never noticed it as much, but this year has brought with it an unprecedented amount of engagement craziness. I feel as though I have to gear up to kick off a summer/fall/winter of wedding events and none of them are even mine. Even at the gym I can't avoid it. (Although, maybe I should expect even more of it there, being all women, all the time.) Gaggles of giggly girls bunch together to show off diamonds, discuss chicken v. beef, indoor v. outdoor, dj v. band, good v. evil. Oh, wait...

Not that I want a wedding. Girls everywhere will probably kick me in the shins for even admitting this, but I am so not a fan of traditional white-dress-catered-meal-DJ-country-club wedding. I'm not even a fan of being a bridesmaid. I'm not a fan of bridal showers. I'm not a fan of bridal shower games, Jack and Jills, bachelorette parties. I'm not a fan of people you barely know from infancy demanding to know why they weren't invited. I'm not a fan of dancing with my Dad, even if it means they get to play Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle (shudder). I don't want to do the Electric Slide, the Macarena, or the Funky Chicken.

It's not even that I don't want to go to someone else's wedding. If it makes them happy for me to be there, who am I to complain about some free champagne? (And the couple's happy moment, of course.) But it does set every other woman up to compare herself to others before her. Originality and fun just kinda go out the window when you're worried that your cousin's best friend's sister's dress cost twice as much as yours.

Even though the idea of a wedding repels me, the idea of marriage does not. I'd just like to think that if I'm going to spend a lot of money on a party for my friends and family, it wouldn't be held anywhere near old men in golf pants and that my friends would know better than to order me a cop-that-comes-to-break-up-the-party-then-strips-to-his-thong. They should definitely go with the fireman. Gets me every time.

Back and Forth

People. Have I taught you nothing about working in a school? You can't tell me I don't have the best job in the world when I get to play ping pong with students after school and I get paid to do it. Of course there are other considerations- like having to proctor state exams, dealing with frustrating technology issues, being blackmailed into a district spelling bee, and generally being alone here in the library with no one to answer my random library questions. Still, there's ping pong. Ping pong!

Although maybe I should have considered a career in meteorology- April 5 and it's snowing. Everyone acts all surprised, like snow in April has never occured before in New England. And I hate to say I told you so, but damn if I didn't call it with the whole "too early for flip flops" thing.

Dharmastice

Dear Dharma Initiative:

I'm pretty sure your main goal is to make sure that things on Craphole Island go according to your dastardly government plan. However, I would be very grateful if you could just do a couple of things for me, seeing as how I am waist-deep in a Lost situation of my own.

1. Please airdrop an entire crate of allergy medecine on my doorstep. I'll leave the seizure-inducing beacon outside for you, you can't miss it. If you do get lost, just follow the sound of my next door neighbors playing bongos well into the night.
2. If I ever feel like I need a little space from the roommates, it would be great if you could just do a mini-lockdown like last week and keep them in their rooms for a couple hours. You don't need to sever their legs or anything drastic, just contain them for a bit. Maybe even give them some DayGlo scribbles on the walls and a black light to keep them entertained.
3. I'm pretty sure the "boys" that live in the apartment next to ours are actually Others that escaped from your island. Could you please collect them and bring them back to their natural habitat, where they can be free to torment someone else?
And lastly,
4. Could you please, please, please just have someone kill off Claire? I know there'd be dozens of people lining up to push her and alien Aaron off a cliff. Just do it already- you know you want to. The sooner, the better.

Thanks in advance for your help, Dharma dudes.

Sincerely,

NPW